Boring… the subject how smart women are strong and independent starts to get boring to me…
Like really boring! I don’t know if the other women are stupid, dependent and weak (if you ask me, they actually have a lot of qualities and abilities that US the “smart” women don’t have), but I know this: strength in a woman has different meanings for each of them.
For example, the one who is married and sees that her husband is treating her like a coffee machine in an office and yet she is still cooking dinner for him, cleans the house and his clothes, takes care of his children and goes in bed late at night exhausted, but is still able to smile to her husband the next morning and not crack his head in two, like an “independent” woman would be probably tempted to do, well…that woman I find her strong… she is strong in her belief that this is what marriage is about… she is strong in her way of understanding love and commitment for her husband… she is patient. Like really patient! Well, that’s a quality you don’t find it so easy in a “strong, independent woman”.
A small sign that you are about to ignore her needs and she will be loooong gone. She will become a wild, untamed beast and she will smile at him too… but on her way out of the relationship… something like “Hasta la vista, baby!”
Is one happier than the other one? I don’t think so.
Everybody understands and feels happiness in a completely different way!
I feel happiness in very simple things and it just happens that they seem to have nothing to do with the man I may date with. Like reading a good book, seeing how the sun comes slowly in my room every morning I wake up, pushing me to get off the bed and get ready for a new day, the simple fact that I am healthy and that I have enough money to enjoy a new day without worrying for the next one makes me happy. Yeah… money makes me happy too! I won’t deny it. The money I work my ass for makes me happy. Success in my professional life makes me also very happy, but I can clearly set a limit between the time I work and the one I enjoy the results of my work. I always try to keep a balance.
Did I like to be single during a long period of time from my life? Oh yeah! Was it hard sometimes to deal with all the life challenges you have to deal with as a single parent? Oh yeah! Very hard! And really scary sometimes! But that didn’t make me stronger than the other ones. Just more selfish maybe. I love my life just as it is, chapter by chapter and I don’t consider myself either more independent, stronger or smarter than any other woman.
But I do consider myself a very lucky person. Lucky to have been blessed with a wonderful daughter who makes me proud of her every single day. Lucky to have friends since I was just a little girl and time and space didn’t break that friendship. Lucky to have been blessed with one quality that always made me go on and reach for my objectives: persistence. I always trusted myself, I never doubted that I can do things that for others seemed impossible or insane, I’ve always accepted life challenges as a new way to improve the actual self-version that I had and I always found a way to smile again after I cried.
Does that make me stronger than the other ones? No… I am just a girl, an ordinary person who from time to time just does not so ordinary things… why?
Because it’s what makes me happy 😊
But I can assure you that at the end of the day, “we” the “independent, smart and strong women” also need….
Starting the 5th grade I have been always either “deeply” in love with a boy, either I had many platonic relationships with so called “boyfriends” until I met my future that in time became ex husband, either I took the challenge to see what is about being the lover of a married man or I tried the one night stand that many say that at least once in your lifetime you should try it, either I’ve enjoyed the benefices of a different kind of… friendship…
All in all I could say that I passed through all the stages… I liked them, I lived them, I consumed them till the bottom of my heart, I put them in one corner of my soul, sometimes I still smile thinking how dumb I could be when I fall in love, but none of them made me STAY… I constantly had the feeling that there is more out there to learn, to live, to feel… I knew that right after each corner there is something even better, even more extraordinary than that, so I never stopped looking… until I decided to be ALONE or how I like to call it… “emotionally UNEMPLOYED”…
This is a phase that either you choose to live it, either life will force you to do it… it will close each door, one by one and you will think that that is the worst time of your life… you will see no future, past will suddenly not matter anymore and present will be an amount of hours spent looking around you, but not “seeing”, hearing, but not listening, feeling, but not touching…
Like many others, at the beginning I had the tendency to panic at the idea of getting in that point and I struggled not to get there… some beg, cry, or on the contrary they get angry, ill, sad, depressed and they could get obsessed with the question “what am I going to do now that I am …ALONE??” Horror. Terror. Physical pains. Some are so desperate that they will just exasperate with their loneliness any person who makes the mistake to try to listen to whatever they are whining about… they are just like a person who’s about to get drawn and the survival instinct tells them to try to hang on the other one, not realizing
that they might drawn that one too in their own …fear…
Different “opportunities” will come along and you are going to be tempted to accept any offer JUST NOT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE… that’s the trap… if you manage to control your impulses and fear, what comes next is an extraordinary gift given by the Universe who’s rewarding you for your faith and patience…
It’s like a huge door opening, but this time pushing you back toward yourself, to origins, to your soul… it is a wonderful journey which if you are willing to take with its ups and downs will reward you with great moments of joy and happiness… just BECAUSE…
…and one day you’ll be feeling a bit nervous, a bit impatient, naughty like a child and listening with enthusiasm to the silence around, trying to hear the whispers of your soul and looking into the eyes of a Stranger, you’ll smile because in few seconds finally your train is going to come and you’ll just know that that is going to be the real adventure of your lifetime.
In that day, all you have to do is to… STAY! 🙂
“I’m not sure… I’m really not sure about that. Sometimes it can be so, sometimes it cannot!”
“You don’t think that they go hand in hand or what?”
“They should definitely go, but nowadays it seems that it is not a must to have in order for a marriage to work and you know that better than me!”
The girl with big brown eyes looked at her companion and felt how her words hit her right under the belt.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” she didn’t finish her sentence. The sadness she saw in that moment in Lara’s eyes practically forced her to swallow her words.
After few seconds of embarrassing silence, Lara looked at the girl, then down at her new shining shoes and then she whispered:
“No… no need for apologies!” (she sighed) “… the truth is that we make our own destiny and while we should not wait for it to come, we make all sorts of choices thinking that life will be easier if we could control it. I made my choice and looking back now, I realize how wrong I was. Love and burning passion were for me the monsters in the closet. I’ve always had nightmares thinking that I would never want my soul to be controlled by such mad forces, such powerful energies. I’ve been always afraid that I’d might get hurt. I didn’t want to suffer. I didn’t want to cry for love. And now I’m crying because of the lack of it. Isn’t that an irony? I don’t even know what love is anymore. All I know is that I feel… empty!”
The girl put her arm on her friend’s shoulder and smiled at her:
“It’s all coming back… always… I’ve learned that… you can avoid it few days, few months, few years, a lifetime! But it always comes back! No matter how old you are when that happens. It’s like our soul has a memory of love and when it gets fed up with the ordinary life we get lost in, it just hits us. “When God is happy he plays with us!” He gives us what we want, but not necessarily when we want. So we can keep in this way our faith… just don’t give up on yours!”
“Hmmm… maybe… but this thing that you call love doesn’t seem to be able to feed your body too… does it, my dear? You still need money for that, don’t you? I guess, I just wanted to make sure that I’ll never be hungry again.”
Lara’s eyes suddenly became darker… there was not even the slightest sign of remorse in them for what she just said.
“Silly dreamer… wake up! Life is tough… it doesn’t wait for you to see that whatever you feel now is just an illusion and it won’t last. The horse and the carriage changed in the meantime. You should be more selfish and choose to have an easier life. (few moments of silence) …. Ok! I hate to do that now, but I have to go… have to pack my stuff. We go to celebrate the last warm weekend of this year at our summer house. I’ll call you next week. I like listening to you talking about love. Bye- bye, my dear!”
Lara gave to the girl a big hug, kissed her on both cheeks and then she left.
The girl took a sip of hot chocolate and then looked at the sky. Autumn was definitely coming.
“When a man loves a woman he is the one coming to her, crawling in his knees to show how desperate he is without her, to ask her to marry him… When a man loves a woman he is her Prince Charming and she is the Princess that needs to be saved. He is taking his white horse (or expensive car!) and he goes after her, hoping he didn’t lose her forever since she said Goodbye!, acting in this way like a proud “bitch”, gaining his respect because she believes she deserves his ring on her finger”.
Such corny things, I swear!! Been there, done that! Ladies, gentlemen!!?? It’s a bullshit! An emotional one, but still a bullshit. And what makes me smile is that all these are still being told to me today by men who made an art of cheating their partners, but they always go back to them because it’s more comfortable like this, or by women who have never been able to show their “naked” soul to a man, but they’ve developed incredible skills to fake love better than faking an orgasm.
Let’s take the above scenario… let’s say the man will do all that… just because she is the woman, and because he is the man, he has no other chance than to be the one making all steps towards her, to show his love, ask her to marry him and then she will say “I do!” and she will be free to show her love too… and they lived happily ever after… let’s say about 2- 3 years… because at psychological level, no matter how big the love we are talking about was initially, and how ideal the above scenario might seem, she has from that moment an emotional advantage upon that man.
And maybe she will not use it immediately, but I can tell it for sure that after living together for few years, being used to be all the time saved, or even worse, being used that if she gets upset he will always be there for her, saying I’m sorry for something he doesn’t even know if he did it or not, she will gain more and more emotional power upon him and in the end either their sexual life will suddenly vanish, and they will not make love anymore, but only money together, either he will cheat on her in order to take back control. And that is a fact!
If she is the one who’s making all the steps towards him, then again she is the one having a huge emotional advantage and disadvantage in the same time upon/in front (of) him. And he will not avoid using it later! Either he becomes lazy and he doesn’t move a finger to work at that relationship, since she is doing a great job by herself, either he becomes her slave since he was not capable to stand for his feelings and his will and he let her do all the moves. Sometimes, she will also cheat on him in this kind of cases.
No matter how you put it, both options in my view are not good enough in order to build a strong relationship, even if, there are many which apparently function.
Me? I believe in two things: what I feel (some are calling it intuition) and the eye contact. I don’t need facts, I don’t need a man riding a horse, I don’t need bills to restaurants, I don’t need people’s opinion to feel and know if a man loves me or not… I just listen my heart and I look into his eyes. That’s it!!
But to make it work, I know today one thing: both partners need to WANT to make it work, show it and admit it!!! No egos, no games, no vanity, no nothing… in that moment, all that’s needed are their “naked” souls and their strong will to make it work.
But only love is not enough!!! When it is about true love between a man and a woman they will have indeed the perfect “tool” to save each other’s souls. Today she might be the sun cause he is the moon, tomorrow she might be the dark, cause he is the light… she is day cause he is night… she is anger when he is peace… she is sunshine when he is storm… black and white… yin and yang… and this is how they could melt and transform each other. After all, you don’t stick a key into a flat door… do you? You need a key and a hole in that door in order to open it.
When a MAN WANTS the woman he loves to be with him for good and worse (a man could love a woman, but he could feel he is not worthy of her, so he will not want her in his life!), she should BE HIS LAST CHOICE. He should meet as many women as possible before HER, so he can be able to recognize and see the truth inside of her and to know for sure that there is no other woman like her. Then, he needs to be worthy of that woman. Strong enough to hold her when she falls, but weak enough to let her see, and take away his fears when he needs it. And if he feels that he is able to do all that, he will not crawl back to her, but he will walk slowly, but proud, serious but happy, silent, but anxious till the half way and he will meet her there, where the water flows, at sunset in a childish, but warm summer day, to great not their happy end, but their happy beginning…
Cause when a WOMAN WANTS the man she loves in her life, he should be HER FIRST CHOICE: her Universe, he should be the boy and she the mother, she the girl and him the father, him her king and she his queen, and because she knows and feels all that… she should be already there… at the half way, just waiting for him to take his hand into her’s and learn together how to dance on the bridge of love…
Because it is wide known that the woman is the heart and the man is the mind… woman is the water and man is the cement… but only by wanting the same thing, something greater than them can be build… otherwise, it is just dust in the wind...