“I still remember when he told me that… I don’t know if he read it somewhere and just told it to me to impress me or maybe this was his own perception about life, but I know TODAY that he was right. Even if I didn’t agree then with him. I think it was mostly because I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t! I needed to believe that there is something more beyond us, something stronger, something greater… it had to be…if not, which is the fucking point to keep on going further like snails in a dessert?
Then time went by… different people, different views, separate ways to play the GAME… the LIFE GAME. Same game though, but with different rules. And yet, it seemed to go in circle… to have the same, frustrating result, no matter how they would have played it: lack of love.
…I was talking the other day with a man married for 38 years… 30 freaking 8 years being with the same person, loving and apparently respecting this person and still staying strong till the end. Happy like a child I said to him “wow…this must be true love”… I am telling you… I will never forget his face expression hearing my statement. It was like “Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you talking about?” Of course, having a respectable age, he didn’t say that, he just raised his eyebrows, and deep, big wrinkles appeared on his forehead, then with an impressive sadness in his blue, kind eyes which I will never be able to ever forget, he said…NOTHING… Silence spoke for himself.
Then another one said to me that the truth is that it is not about love. According to men and some women too, it is definitely not about that. It might be…but only at the beginning. In fact “is just… you know… just to feel that you are alright, but somehow you never feel alright… you are always afraid of something…afraid of not being able to pay bills, afraid of not being the perfect parents, afraid of not raising good children, afraid of getting ill and not having someone close to take care of you, afraid of losing the other one and being forced to face all the above all ALONE!”.
When I heard all these, I couldn’t help asking myself: what the hell happened with us? With our ancestors? What happened with our hearts? How come fear gets to win and love always seem to lose the GAME? Why do people choose to stay in toxic relationship, even if they know it is wrong? Why do they pretend to be happy when actually they are not? Why does the quantity of years count and not the quality? Why do they fear?
And then it hit me…
Because it’s easier…
This is why God just got tired to care… he gives love, and if we’d pay attention to all beautiful, small things that life offers to us every single day, we would probably notice that, but we are too busy, we are too in front of our life to realize how empty we’ve got, we still choose fear, we choose to live in the darkness, we refuse to open our hearts again and be kinder, be tender, be braver… so yes, life is a fucking BITCH and God just doesn’t care anymore, but I’d be a bitch too with these assholes called ADULTS, if I had been called LIFE.
But then again I would have chosen to be greater than them, kinder, tender, braver and I’d give them another chance by sending another child on this planet, another pure soul, untouched by the adult world… and I will give them love lessons through this child, but on the other hand, I’d know that all I’d have to do, would be to hope that the freaking ADULTS will finally learn something… because nobody can control what they would choose to do at the end of the day. I would always give them another chance, if they asked for, but I could not choose for them… I could not choose LOVE… only they could…”
The girl got silent… with her big, childish brown eyes looked at the man who was sitting right close to her and who was looking at her as if he was admiring a painting in a museum while she started to smile like a child. He smiled too, touched her hair, took her small, fragile hand into his hand, kissed it gently and with a kind, calm, tender voice he said:
“Smart man that guy who told you that… ” he raised his eyebrows, smiled again, a bit smug this time, as he always used to be when he seemed to know them all and with his blue, childish eyes he touched again her soul with only one look. Like usual, it was an enchanting moment to look at the man who taught her everything she knew, to whom she was grateful for letting her be, no matter what stupid, silly things would have come out of her mouth…
“I choose YOU! I’ll always choose you!” said the girl, she hugged him, and with a naughty smile she kissed him on his left cheek.
It was a cold, but nice winter day…