“Life is a BITCH and GOD doesn’t care…”


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“I still remember when he told me that… I  don’t know if he read it somewhere and just told it to me to impress me or maybe this was his own perception about life, but I know TODAY that he was right. Even if I didn’t agree then with him. I think it was mostly because I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t! I needed to believe that there is something more beyond us, something stronger, something greater… it had to be…if not, which is the fucking point to keep on going further like snails in a dessert?

Then time went by… different people, different views, separate ways to play the GAME… the LIFE GAME. Same game though, but with different rules. And yet, it seemed to go in circle… to have the same, frustrating result, no matter how they would have played it: lack of love.

…I was talking the other day with a man married for 38 years… 30 freaking 8 years being with the same person, loving and apparently respecting this person and still staying strong till the end. Happy like a child I said to him “wow…this must be true love”… I am telling you… I will never forget his face expression hearing my statement. It was like “Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you talking about?” Of course, having a respectable age, he didn’t say that, he just raised his eyebrows, and deep, big wrinkles appeared on his forehead, then with an impressive sadness in his blue, kind eyes which I will never be able to ever forget, he said…NOTHING…  Silence spoke for himself.

Then another one said to me that the truth is that it is not about love. According to men and some women too, it is definitely not about that. It might be…but only at the beginning. In fact “is just… you know… just to feel that you are alright, but somehow you never feel alright… you are always afraid of something…afraid of not being able to pay bills, afraid of not being the perfect parents, afraid of not raising good children, afraid of getting ill and not having someone close to take care of you, afraid of losing the other one and being forced to face all the above all ALONE!”.

When I heard all these, I couldn’t help asking myself: what the hell happened with us? With our ancestors? What happened with our hearts? How come fear gets to win and love always seem to lose the GAME? Why do people choose to stay in toxic relationship, even if they know it is wrong? Why do they pretend to be happy when actually they are not? Why does the quantity of years count and not the quality? Why do they fear?

And then it hit me…

Because it’s easier…

This is why God just got tired to care… he gives love, and if we’d pay attention to all beautiful, small things that life offers to us every single day, we would probably notice that, but we are too busy, we are too in front of our life to realize how empty we’ve got, we still choose fear, we choose to live in the darkness, we refuse to open our hearts again and be kinder, be tender, be braver… so yes, life is a fucking BITCH and God just doesn’t care anymore, but I’d be a bitch too with these assholes called ADULTS, if I had been called LIFE.

But then again I would have chosen to be greater than them, kinder, tender, braver and I’d give them another chance by sending another child on this planet, another pure soul, untouched by the adult world… and I will give them love lessons through this child, but on the other hand, I’d know that all I’d have to do, would be to hope that the freaking ADULTS will finally learn something… because nobody can control what they would choose to do at the end of the day. I would always give them another chance, if they asked for, but I could not choose for them… I could not choose LOVE… only they could…”

The girl got silent… with her big, childish brown eyes looked at the man who was sitting right close to her and who was looking at her as if he was admiring a painting in a museum while she started to smile like a child. He smiled too, touched her hair, took her small, fragile hand into his hand, kissed it gently and with a kind, calm, tender voice he said:

“Smart man that guy who told you that… ” he raised his eyebrows, smiled again, a bit smug this time, as he always used to be when he seemed to know them all and with his blue, childish eyes he touched again her soul with only one look. Like usual, it was an enchanting moment to look at the man who taught her everything she knew, to whom she was grateful for letting her be, no matter what stupid, silly things would have come out of her mouth…

“I choose YOU! I’ll always choose you!” said the girl, she hugged him, and with a naughty smile she kissed him on his left cheek.

It was a cold, but nice winter day…





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“Don’t tempt me! Don’t tease me and don’t tempt me, if you have no idea where your heart, mind and body are standing.”

…I think I should write that on my forehead. This way, every man who is “crazy” enough to start playing the seduction game with me will know. I am a lioness! Let me write that again: I AM A LIONESS.

Don’t know how the other women are, and what kind of deer you have met in this jungle called world, but with me is pretty clear. You’ve started the journey, somehow you have to end it too. And I better be satisfied in the end.

And ok… let’s say, you were not ready the first time, let’s say you felt fear. It’s ok. I know that my lioness way of seductions is not something that you’ve seen before. But dude, let me tell you something: if you try the second time, you better be ready. And you better do it right.

Don’t tease me with your presence, just for the sake of admiring me like you’d admire a wax statue. I’m pretty much alive and I have a burning fire inside of me. It’s like putting gasoline on it. Don’t play with the lioness! Sooner or later you are going to get yourself burnt, if you do that. BE A MAN and do your “job” as a man! Otherwise is too frustrating and boring. Then I will leave to search and hunt another MAN. A REAL MAN. Yes, I like hunting, very much. Not fishing. I am not a shark looking for tiny fishes. And this is not an aquarium where you can float in silence, let yourself watched, show your colors, but nobody is allowed to touch you.

This is a jungle! Either you are IN, either you are OUT. There is no BETWEEN phase in this game. SEDUCTION GAME. Because once you are IN, you have to be aware of the fact that I WANT YOU. I WANT YOUR BODY. I WANT TO TASTE AND FEEL UNDER THE TOUCH OF MY KISS EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOUR SKIN. I WANT YOU TO BRING ME ON EDGES WHERE ONLY THE SKY SEEMS HIGHER THAN THEM.

And you don’t have to guess if I want you or not. I am going to tell it to you. I am going to look into your eyes and I am going to ask you to please me. Desire feeds with desire. Your brain will be on fire feeling, hearing, seeing my desire for you… your imagination will go loose, just thinking at the moment when our bodies will melt into each other. Cause that moment will come, IF I’ve chosen you for that, IF you are brave enough, IF you take the risk, IF you get closer.

But don’t tease me! Don’t play stupid, silly games with me, and don’t tease me…

You’ll lose. Trust me on that… there is nothing on this planet that bores a lioness faster than an undecided, scared man. Step aside and let another one try his luck! It would be wiser!

Loveheimer 🙂








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It might happen… your life path might cross with his at some point…despite the odds, the distance, time and space, this might happen. Because the Universe knows better. And he might wanna play again and check your pulse… for his own pleasure and need of confirmation of what you once felt for him… and you could be very tempted… I mean…feelings are still there. Why would you not be tempted? After all, you are a human being, your weaknesses are part of yourself. You might realize that he is and will always be your weakness. And it scares you like hell to see how vulnerable you still are to only one thought, one look, one word coming out of his mouth.

The “What IF?” question pops inevitable into your mind. You would not be yourself if it didn’t. And here you are…feeling like in a Montagne Russe again, exactly when you were so happy with your life, just as it was. No drama, no complications, no unnecessary bullshit.

How to handle that? How to deal with your long time forgotten emotions? How to keep your balance for which you’ve worked so hard to get it? How not to get drown in an unhealthy relationship again?

Well… my dear, the answer is simple. Be yourself. Remember what you’ve learned, and what you want, stay on the edge, but be yourself. Don’t deny what you feel, don’t fight this new wave of emotions, be brave and confront it… you already know how to swim in it. But trust me, you won’t need to do that. It seems like a big wave, but in reality is not.

Once you will do that, if he is still not ready for you, if he still can’t accept you JUST AS YOU ARE, he will leave… you don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to push him away, you don’t have to run away from him or what you feel, because he will vanish just like a wave vanishes when it reaches the shore… you don’t have to worry. Stay still, be brave and keep your eyes wide open! This new wave won’t have the same force as it had before, because you are much stronger now. You’ve learned your lessons. The ones he gave to you. He was a good teacher.

Embrace those moments and be grateful for seeing him again, be glad for having the chance TO HAVE MET him, miss him, be kind to him, but that’s it. A man who knows what you mean for him and who is brave enough to want you in his life, will make an obvious effort to fight with his demons and fears and he will stay. No matter what. No matter how hard that could be. HE WILL STAY.

This one, though will leave. Natural selection. If he has a piece of dignity left, he will admit at least to himself that he can’t handle you, he is not the right man for you, despite the love, despite your wonderful story, despite the many chances life gave to him to make you his. Yes, you once vibrated, and you vibrated strongly, you reflected each other, but you are not on the same level of energy anymore.

The only thing that is stronger than LOVE is FEAR. And he fears. Don’t push. Don’t beg him to stay. Accept him just as he is, don’t judge him for being afraid and let him leave. It’s his choice. If you will be ever again on the same level of love and energy, you will vibe again. If not, life will send you along the next man who will be ready to take your hand and start a new journey together. He will be ready for YOU. The new YOU.

Be brave and enjoy this journey!

Loveheimer 🙂

man fear



Still THERE…


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“I know what you are going to say, but don’t say it! You are wrong and it is not the first time when that happens! You have no idea how wrong you are!”

The girl looked deep into her friend’s eyes and the message was clear. NOT TO CROSS THE LINE. Her line…her heart… her life… her entire Universe. She never understood the idea behind anyway. How could another human being decide what is best for her? Since when the world decided that love is a virus, something evil, something from which people need to be saved from? Her rules. Her choices. Her needs. Nobody else has any right to say or do something against it.

She left. Her decision had been made a long time ago and she had no intention to change her mind now. Her friend started to walk behind her without saying any word.

It was a nice, sunny December day. A new year was about to come. New hopes, new dreams, new SHE. She could have felt the pulse of life floating inside of her body, her veins, her heart. A new boost of energy that made her feeling like she was flying. She knew these symptoms. Her heart recognized every single beat. It didn’t forget. It didn’t allow time to put its eternal fingerprint on it. It didn’t allow people to put dust on it, why should have the time been different? More powerful?

Life is a miracle, there is no doubt about that. But life itself would mean absolutely nothing without LOVE. Many tried to describe it. Many tried to explain it. To put it into words. To put it on music. Or paintings…or prays…or… anything. But there were not enough words to explain what she was feeling in that moment. There were not enough colors to paint it. Not enough lyrics to sing it.

She was happy. She was walking along the water thinking how lucky she was. How blessed she felt. Random miracles started to show around her, signs that the Universe was working through and for her. She looked at the blue water shining under the winter sun, then at her friend and she said:

“There is always a way…there is always a path, unknown by our mind, but so well felt by the heart. There is always a tough road and that one is called LOVE. It is not easy, actually is God damn hard, and not many choose to follow it. Because it’s scary. I did. I dove deep into the pain, so I can learn what happiness is. To recognize it. The journey on the land of my soul seemed for years painful, hopeless and useless. And yet, I knew that behind each closed door, a window would have eventually opened. And so it was. I’ve learned that life is a constant source of joy and happiness and that the perspective is the key to every single thing that happens to or for us. I changed mine on many directions, many areas of my life and now I am happy. But I couldn’t have done that if I hadn’t been guided by this…”. The girl took her both hands and put them together on her chest. She smiled and she continued:

“This (showing to her head) helped me accomplish what my heart wanted, needed, but it was just a co-pilot. I have a HEART-QUARTER, not a HEAD-QUARTER and there is where I make all my life decisions. I LET MYSELF BE AND FEEL. This is how I know you are wrong! This is how I know that HE is still THERE and I should let him THERE! This is how I know that there is always a way!”

She smiled…that kind of smile that has the power to wake up long time sleeping, wounded hearts… that kind of smile that makes you wanna fly… dream…  hope and live again… that kind of smile that ruins any mind attempt to be rational and logic, but allows you to BE. That kind of smile that HEALS.

She looked again how the water was flowing. So smooth. So nice. So peaceful.

The sun was going down.








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Yes! You’ve been dumped, and everybody knows it… your neighbour knows it, your mom knows it, your best friend knows it, your best friend of your best friend seems to know it too… What the heck??!…even your dog knows it!! It hurts, and it sucks. Like really sucks. What is it to be done in this moment? Well…you could get drunk, you could put it on Facebook, change immediately your status there as “single and available”, but secretly start stalking the person who did that to you, and watch their profile all day long. Or you could listen a lot of depressive music.

None of these methods will bring them back, but who the hell cares? It’s part of the process anyway. And it’s been like what? One week, two, a month, six, 2 years and you still can’t forget your ex? No? Even more? 10? Ooo that’s a God damn proof of how fucked up love might get you. If it goes on the wrong path, wrong nerve, wrong direction, as long as you don’t see the red lights and keep on driving on this road, my friend, let me tell you, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!!

And it is not going to be an easy journey! Does it worth the pain, the struggle, the feeling of emptiness, of loneliness, the desperation, the need of just seeing, hearing the loved one at least one more time? The burning fire of your body begging for one more touch? One more kiss? Hmm… have no idea. I’d say that it’s a pain which seems to drive people crazy. Of that, I am sure! So what’s the point? Well…it depends on the side effects. Did you create something nice, beautiful, a masterpiece out of your pain? Did you become self-destructive?  Or did you start to punish everybody else for the story you had with the other creature belonging to this planet?

Been there (MANY TIMES), done that and for me there have been always two ways to deal with the pain of losing the one I loved. One was expressing what I felt. Diving deep into the shit, knowing that one day it will be just another love story I am going to tell to my nephews. And it was ok. It was a good therapy for a long term. I seem wiser now…more careful with my choices, more intelligent from emotional point of view. But I had no orgasm while I did that… no sparkle… no butterflies in my stomach… no action…no  nothing… don’t get me wrong! Reflecting and meditation are quite a good way to heal your wounded soul, but in my case, that makes me quite horny. The meditation, I mean…

And here is the tricky thing. Even if you feel the need to share your wounded feelings with the person who just dumped you, don’t do it! Trust me on that! It’s not the right way! And not because you are pathetic by doing that. You are. But that’s not the point. The problem is that the other one might start wondering if something is not wrong with you, so you might scare them off. And each time you see them by coincidence, I don’t know… somewhere in a public place, they will just make big eyes, they will seem to smile, being glad to see you, but actually trying in their mind to see which is the nearest way to escape and run as fast as they can the hell out of there. So…you might not wanna do that.

On the other hand, on a short term you might need a better way to heal yourself. You need something which numbs your feelings and helps you to forget the other one. A method to help you to move on. The good news? There is another way. There is always another way! And men know it better than women. They know it by instinct. Our instincts are maybe not so sharp in this area like theirs, but we for sure have it inside it too.

In my case, this method ALWAYS worked. Efficiency 100%…in fact, no…130% Because sometimes I had unpredictable satisfaction. So…which is the name of this method?

Three letters, my dear reader: SEX. Get LAID! Fuck someone’s brains out and let them fuck yours. But choose carefully the person for that kind of game. Choose exactly what you like and not randomly, because otherwise you might have the opposite effect. To feel like shit afterward.

But sex done in a proper way, with the right person, HEALS.

Passionate, wild, animal, hot sex. That kind of sex that brings you on the edge. Orgasm and its power of healing could do miracles to your wounded heart if you do it in the right way. But remember: do it when you are ready though!

Stop counting the steps to the door of your ex’s heart, but start the chasing…go out there, in the jungle and just…do it! Easy to say, sometimes hard to do it, but its worth it. Choose carefully your rebounds, make sure that they vibe in the same way as you do and just let yourself go. The effect is incredible, and it does heal you, even if… a part of yourself maybe will always love that one, THE OTHER ONE… love them, miss them, but that’s it!

Until you find ANOTHER ONE, just get laid! Enjoy the positive effects of sex, enjoy and discover your body. And his…or …hers… Just, don’t get laid with your ex…no, no, bad idea!  Worst idea ever! You’ll be tempted! But don’t do it. Don’t slip on the wrong path again! Respect these basic rules and as long as you’ll do this, you won’t regret it, I’m sure!

Good luck! 🙂