The world was on fire and no one could save me but you… it’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
“I enjoyed watching him taking his shirt off his pants… just on a side… I think it was on the left side… before having sex… it was a simple gesture, I don’t think he even realized it and yet I really liked it… I liked WATCHING him! Like you watch a beautiful painting in a museum where the only witness to the scene is only your body… your eyes… I knew what’s about to come, but I knew also that there was still a long way until there… so I watched… he wanted me to watch him… I liked the confidence in his wild eyes while he did that… I liked his almost lazy, but so well calculated moves while he was looking for the bottle of wine… that God damn bottle of wine… white wine… he was walking slowly through the room like a king walking through his kingdom and put some music… but…you know?! Who cared about the wine? Who cared about the music? I was keep looking shamelessly at his ass! Do you understand me? His ASS!
And you know… this moment is for many others like playing a role in a silly romantic movie… for him? It was in his nature… only if you looked at his moves, you could have seen that he was enjoying it… he enjoyed making me wait for him… I don’t wait for anybody… I don’t have to! I don’t like waiting! I hate waiting! But with him? I don’t know… it was different… I was struggling in that moment of passion and desire and lust…and yet, I really enjoyed it… and he didn’t even seem to see the fire burning inside of me… that focused he was on HIM… and yet, he knew it… he knew it that I was crazy about him. And he was enjoying that!
What can I say? I liked many things about him… do you have an entire day? Cause you’ll need time to listen to me… the guy knew exactly what he was doing. We both knew actually. And we willingly let ourselves become one of each other’s victim, even if we both knew that that means trouble. Big trouble!“
“I see! So… then… what went wrong? I don’t get it… cause you seem… perfect for each other, if you ask me. You’re both fucking crazy!”
The girl with big brown eyes looked at me and she smiled. Oh, her smile! I’ll never forget the smile she had on her face in that moment. That kind of smile that makes you doubt she ever suffered any pain or shed a tear in this story. That kind of smile that makes you wonder what in the God’s name is hidden in it… an angel? Or a demon?
“Well… he was on a mission. One with very clear objectives. I was not. He had a plan. I had not. I played like having a plan. He played like not having one. In the end, we both lost the game and hurt each other. Badly. We got… burned!”
“Aaa I see… so… you’re both idiots, not crazy!”
<The girl started to laugh out loud> “You could say that, yeah!”
“But let me ask you something: do you have any regrets?”
“That we both in the end made completely different life choices?”
The girl took a moment to think about the question I just put to her… took a sip of her hot chocolate and then she said:
“I have absolutely no regrets when it comes to the paths we went on and I am grateful to God for this miracle of life he made possible to happen. I am really happy for him and for me also. Future keeps knocking at my door. Every day. Every day is a new day to be grateful for everything I did with my life since we broke up. (small pause) … and I knew he will eventually put his shit together too, cut the crap and act like a responsible adult…”
“But I do miss his ass!!!!!! A loooooooot!!!!!”
We both started to laugh… really loud… people were staring at us wondering probably what kind of devil is possessing us, but we let ourselves go… we didn’t care… we were laughing with our body and souls and that was all it mattered… she definitely knew how to find the positive in an apparently negative situation and I remember I told to myself:
“Damn! This girl is crazy! She is definitely crazy! But in a very nice way!” 🙂