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Have you noticed, Stranger? Sometimes, when you try to extinguish a fire, more you try, harder and faster it burns everything around it…

It burns my soul too… deep…too deep… hard… too hard… not softly, not gently, there is nothing poetic about it, even if, it inspires me… long, painful days in your absence, cursing and then again being grateful for the day I’ve met you… or the one I’ve touched your lips feeling the sweet bitter taste of the afterward, inevitable desperation of not making me yours… or the day you hold my hand and the one you didn’t… the day you loved me, giving me wings to fly so close to the sky, but then throwing me in a deep, dark sea of silence …

No energy to understand what happened… why… how…when… no time to swim… no need to do that… I let myself flow in this burning river…

A “we’re the ones who got away” smile is shining bright on my face, but I hide my pain and anger in it… I bite my lips and I try a weird feeling of relief keep fooling myself that it must be painful for you too… it shouldn’t… it isn’t…it will never be…

…you had the match, and I brought the fire… but you wanted it as badly as I wanted it… you needed as badly as I needed… you hated it as much as I hate it now…

Cause I hate it!! I hate it with passion! I hate my weakness that makes me so strong daily… like a rock… untouchable, unreachable…

I hate my fears… they keep me safe, but alone…

I hate time… this bastard who’s pushing me away from you with every second I hear beating in my mind, turning it upside down to remember all the short moments of happiness we shared, in an almost insane try not to forget the way you look, the way you smell, everything about you…

..and then I hate you…I hate you with all my mind… I hate you with every cell of my body! For your weakness that makes you so strong like a rock… untouchable, unreachable… I hate you for your fears that keep you safe, but alone…

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…

…I hate you so much, Stranger that it must be true love…

 

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