It’s like throwing a bone to a puppy… this is how it feels each time you do something to please your ego and not your heart.
You give the bait and then you wait to see… she runs to take it?
If yes, I guess you feel good for… what?… 2 minutes? Its effect goes even faster then a “quickie”… or at least it should, if you still have a shadow of “dignity” in you… and then there are different stages… at first you feel amused, then you feel a sort of pity and in the end you feel disgusted by the woman who accepted so easy to show her weakness when it comes to your name, your mind, and your naked body. The soul cannot be mentioned, of course. It’s out of her “league”. It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. She sees it and she just goes for it, but she never touches it.
I’ve also been in both situations… playing a player and being played by a player. I felt like shit discovering that I am being played, but I felt worse playing him. The image of him “losing” just broke my heart. And not because of a sort of pity that I felt for him. No. But I felt guilty, because I didn’t find it fair, hitting him so hard when finally he made a shy move in trusting again. Even if, he had no problems doing the same with me.
The difference between me and a real player? Seeing him down because of me and then up again because of his ego made me realize that there is a huge space between us, that can’t be filled with sex, love or any other sort of game.
He makes a living out of it. The throwing bones game is his shelter, his mask, his entire life. For me is just a way to have fun from time to time, if I play with someone strong enough to admit when he made a wrong step, “lost” and then start a new round.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: in my opinion love is a game, but it must be a fair one… and it’s not about winning or losing even if it seems so…it’s not even about learning… even if, you do learn a lot of things after a love story… but it’s about LIVING, BUILDING AND CREATING LIFE TOGETHER… being brave enough to go till the end, let yourself completely vulnerable in front of someone who touched your soul in a different way than others…
Cowards, pussies, those with speeches like “you are too strong for me” should understand that the emotions give you power, but not that kind of power a boss has it while his slaves are executing his commands… not that kind of power that he believes it could rack him in case SHE would overpower him, emotionally speaking, in case he would FALL because of her, over and over again…
It’s a different kind of power, a different kind of energy… the one that makes you fly, that one that makes you move mountains, from one country to another just to breathe the same air with the one you fell in love with.
The fall comes because of your mind and ego, because of your stupid games, because of your fear, because of you. Not because of her. You are the only one responsible for that.
So… me?? I’m like a lioness. I do like big bones indeed… but for the smell and taste of the… fresh meat and… blood. Not for the bone itself.