Sometimes it can be like a car crash… all of the sudden and you don’t really understand what just happened since you are in shock… you don’t even know if it’s real or not, but in the end you accept that it happened and you are grateful that at least it happened fast….
Sometimes it’s like a dirty, smelly lake where nothing lives or moves: no birds, no plants, just the sky changes its color: day, night, day, night…
But sometimes it goes slowly, it drains out of you like the blood from your veins, like the air from your lungs and brain. You feel like you’d falling asleep since you are so God damn tired of everything and yet you just watch how it goes out of you and you wait, and wait, hoping to a change, a miracle that might come along… but nothing happens, and each day you’re just more exhausted and unable to make a decision and cut the bad from its roots. You feel sick and yet you don’t know how to heal. You would like to, but you kind of also enjoy the misery you feel cause you think that it might be a good sign that you still… FEEL.
“I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all”… lyrics of a song. I used to vibrate a long, long time at this idea. Not anymore.
Anger, sadness, depression, weird mood changes, melancholy, tears and pain… we all have been through these at least one time in our lives when love ended. When he or she let you down slowly. Constantly, but slowly. We all felt it deep down our bones, being afraid that maybe we might get crazy or something, and if not, for sure we won’t come alive out of it.
And yet, many come alive out of this, but some of them will swear that they will never do that mistake again… it hurts too bad. It’s too useless. I definitely understand that. After all, we all have our limits. Some of them will choose to revenge on the entire male or female kind. They will choose to be detached and never open their soul up again. It doesn’t worth it.
What for? They are all the same anyway.
But some of us, will give their selves time. Not to heal… not to move on… not to forget… not for a miracle to happen. But for love to born again in their soul. I am no scientist, I am no one special, but if I learned something in my life is that if you give yourself enough time to pass through all the levels, LOVE will raise you up.
The soul has an unbelievable power to regenerate. Time, kindness, patience, and mind to understand that every LOVE is THAT LOVE for THAT MOMENT, for THAT YOU… it’s hilarious, but after a while, if you look back in the past and say “How the hell was it possible for me to be so in love with that guy/ lady?”, it doesn’t necessary mean that it wasn’t love about… it just means that you’ve changed… instead of blaming yourself for being such a “blind idiot”, it’s easier to ACCEPT your soul past decisions as being part of a WHOLE. It definitely knew what it was doing. It had its own logic.
If you smile when saying that, it is clear that you find yourself in a different position. A healthy one. The one that allows you again and again to taste love. To open up your soul, like you open the windows up in a shiny morning summer. You are ready to paint again. In most of the cases, you will meet another person and you will build a love castle together. For good and worse.
But in some other cases, something unexpected happens: you fall in love stronger and in the same time different than before with… the same person. It is the most unbelievable feeling that life gave me the opportunity to feel. It knocks me down every morning I wake up, and I realize that a new blood is in my veins, fresh air in my lungs and I can feel the joy of being alive and FEEL…
It gives me positive energy, it gives wings to fly, it gives me strength to deal with whatever life challenges me, it gives me hope and even if “loving can hurt sometimes, it’s the only thing that I know”
With a different kind of love,
yesterday, today, tomorrow.. … to a Stranger…