I used to get angry… had to learn how not to… I used to get sad… had to learn why not to… today? Hmmm… it’s not always easy, definitely not, but it’s… challenging. And in a weird way, I kind of like it. How far can a woman go for the man she loves? What can she accept and what is it that she can’t? Where is the edge? THAT edge?
Lack of respect? Lack of love? Troubles in paradise? End of the honeymoon time, the beginning of the ordinary one?
Or just a very powerful basic instinct? The one of spreading seeds, except you don’t actually spread them? It’s true that we’ve learned how not to get in that trap so easy like in the old times, but we didn’t really learn how NOT TO WANT to enjoy in a guilty way those few minutes of pleasure that just got us on a very sharp, but so sweet, beautiful in its complexity edge… the MIND- BODY- SOUL edge.
The first four questions might get you angry… the other ones sad, confused and depressed… the last two ones might heal you for all the feelings mentioned above! How hard is to accept this reality? How hard is to accept that no matter how loyal, devoted, and in love someone is, he/she still fails in respecting these solid principles so badly needed for a functional relationship? How hard is to deal with the fact that sometimes we actually NEED TO CHEAT OUR PARTNERS and TO BE CHEATED in order to keep the fire burning and love them even more than before? EXTREMELY HARD!
And I’m sure that many will raise now their eyebrows and will be tempted to say that I’m completely wrong and if there is enough love between the partners, they shouldn’t get there. They shouldn’t get into this phase: cheating phase. Yet, they do. Many of them. At least one time in their relationship life cycle! Some of them survive to this life test, some don’t.
And then it comes the question: how the hell would a woman or a man is supposed to understand and accept this awful thing: being cheated?
I’d say that the process takes time, energy, brain and a lot of love. Not only for the one who just changed your body with another one for his own selfish reasons, but for you. Especially for you! The woman, the mother, the girl in you.
I’ve been cheated and I’ve cheated too. I know how it feels. In both ways. Sometimes I’ve been honest enough to tell it, sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I’ve been told, sometimes I haven’t been, but the fact was so well written in all his actions, look, words that I had to be blind not to see it. It doesn’t matter how well a man thinks he covered his tracks, a woman feels and knows when another one just had him. Out there exist extremely sensitive women who can feel it even before it happens. Classic, cheap, but so damn effective tool: female intuition.
Yes, many of them, even if they’d know for a fact that they are being cheated they don’t say or do anything. They would create their own world, separate than his and cut any soul bridges between them and their partner, but keep the financial ones, or the children’s ones. Some will dump the “son of a bitch” who dared to take them for a fool, but not before doing him the same. Just to feel the sweet feeling of revenge. Some will get severe depressions. Some of them will take a step back after, just to… try to understand. To feel the reason why he did this. And only then to make a decision: to stay or to walk away. Can you blame them if they would? Not really.
On the other side, any man who chooses to cheat should be fully aware and responsible for his actions. Denying and offending her, calling her names like: crazy, nuts, paranoia just because she found out the truth without him telling it to her, it’s a sign of fear, low dignity, lack of self respect. He should know that she feels it anyway, even if she doesn’t say it in which case he should start questioning himself why she doesn’t react: most likely, she doesn’t love him anymore, but she is making a compromise of surviving with him. If that’s fine for him, than they will be one of those couples living “happily ever after”, but not sleeping together for ages.
No matter why and how it is, a man should know that for ALL THOSE TIMES he cheated on her something changed in her: she became either stronger, either weaker. She became an island, she build a wall around her soul or just a ladder making it harder for him to get to it. To touch it. To feel it between the sheets. To see it in a smile. Or a tear.
For all those times he took for granted her love, for all those times he wasn’t man enough to choose just to stay on the edge, for all those times he played hide and seek, for all those times he lied just to justify his own weaknesses, their love had become either stronger, either weaker. No matter which one it is, for all those times he should know he was taking a big risk and that he might lose, at some point, maybe one of the most important human being of his entire life.
For all those times he should know that SHE KNOWS…