It takes a while… at least for me it took a while! It takes a while till you figure it out, till you start to understand WHY and then to feel WHEN and HOW… and when that happens, you realize that not those where the priority… they were more like three powerful tools to make you keep your faith alive, not to give up, not to lose yourself in negative thoughts, not to despair.
Because sometimes you feel like doing it… sometimes, especially when nobody is there to touch your arm and say “Don’t worry! Everything is going to be alright!” you feel like sending everything and everybody to hell and… just give up. But you can’t help wondering: what if you’d give up? What then? You’d suffer less? You’d be more comfortable living an ordinary life without busting your ass to make any of your dreams to come true, cause even if you’d fail at this chapter you know that at least you are safe?
I can confirm it! When I’ve chosen to go out of my comfortable zone, first instinct was to go back… the detach of the old habits and the old life style was really hard. I was about to go on a path that I had no idea where was taking me, but I had a feeling… a strong feeling which seemed to tell me that that was it, that was the moment I had to step out of that zone… scary moment, mixed feelings, powerful conflict mind- soul that initially ended up with health issues. Because my mind was against my soul’s plans. Because it was stubborn and was yelling “Go back! Go back! Don’t do it! It makes absolutely no sense to do it! Go back!”
But a higher force pushed me outside though. A higher force gave me enough courage to deal with all the questions (mine or others!), the stumbling stones, the fear, the disappointments, the losing friends phase, the hitting of the bottom of my mind and reaching my body’s limits phase… it was not easy to keep faith in my soul and let myself go with this flow… the LOVE flow. In fact, it was the most difficult thing I had to ever do in my entire life. It wasn’t easy to learn how to swim in it. To be honest, I still have days when I panic because it feels like every day it gets deeper and deeper, and full of mystery and unknown. But in the same time, every day it starts to become more natural to do it.
Every day it gets easier to do it. Every day I learn something new about me. Something valuable! Every day I grow up in mind, body and soul. Every day I feel another moment of happiness, pure happiness, peace and balance. Every day I see clear like daylight that WHY, WHEN and HOW are not important as long as I manage to put all my ducks in a row and keep on rolling… keep on doing what I’m doing: believing!
Every day I fear less, every day I smile more… every day I love you more, Stranger!