, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am a 32 years old woman and I’ve had the chance to be told few times by now (especially since I’ve turned 30) the phrase: “YOU ARE THE ONE”. But each time I heard it, I felt sad. Extremely sad. Because I knew that even if these are the words that any woman would like to hear from a man who is ready to start his life with her, for me they were not THE ONE. For me they were the right person at the right time and in the right place. For me they were a reason to be grateful, a reason to smile, a reason to go on, to temporary grow up together, a reason to understand WHY. But not THE ONE.

I’ve always wondered though, how come they were so convinced that I was THE ONE for them… on which basis? A feeling? Intuition? Or how come? So I wanted to dig for the answer (which was not at all easy!!) and in the end I figured it out: they saw the woman and the mother in me, and both fitted to their pragmatic criteria and vision concerning THE ONE… so it was like filling a position in a company: you have the skills, you get the job. I had the marriage material.

What about love, I’d say? What about the girl in me? They never saw it, or they saw just parts of her… they didn’t know how crazy, rebel, kind, sweet, scared, weak, sad, happy, complicated and simple in the same time she is… they didn’t really know if they could accept her or not in their life… so, I wonder… do men take the marriage decision based on a list of qualities and abilities the woman should have in order to be THE ONE?

Do they make the decision to love her exactly because she is filling all criteria? Are they more focused on the “benefits” of the marriage with her (a brutal, metaphorical way to express the natural, simple need of a man to spread his seeds on this planet) than on her as an individual, as a complex human being?

I will never know for sure…but me? Sometimes I fall in love, sometimes I fall in lust, sometimes I have a fling, sometimes I am angry with, other times I simply like a man… but only one time in my life I will feel that it is something special about HIM and that will make me think that I should really try to “talk” to HIM somehow, someway, because I will have the feeling that if I don’t do that, I will never see HIM again… and still… sometimes, I won’t be able to talk… sometimes, HE won’t simply listen, he won’t be THERE, so I’ll be silent… sad, but silent…. and it will be alright, because I will always know, deep down my heart, that it won’t be done, it won’t be over… it will be fated anyway… (Fragment inspired from the movie Head in the Clouds)