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cheers darlin'It comes a moment in your life when you feel that this is it, it’s time to make that decision of your life that will end a chapter and start another one. It is that moment when you see THE END all over the places where you used to spend lovely times with him, on his white shirts you used to wear after a passionate night, on all those morning sweet “Hellos!” and “Night, night!” whispers, on the intimacy you had with him, your dreams, your hopes, your everything…

And you make the decision inside of your mind, soul and body… why you got there, it doesn’t really matter… you just feel this is the moment… the only thing is that you are the only one who hears the hard sound of this THE END… and you feel it in your heart that beats slower and slower for him, but stronger and stronger for… yourself.

You look into his eyes and try to see if he can read your mind, or soul… if he can see your pain, your struggle you have for such long time in you. Useless! He won’t see it… he’s happy… you became so skilled in making him so happy by ignoring your needs, your wishes, your identity, your everything, that the only thing that matters for him after all those years you spent together is the comfort of having a warm body each time he wants to have it and your money to help paying the bills… the feeling is overwhelming… unselfish enough not to ruin his castle of sand, but desperate enough to want to run away… to hide… to go on a different path.

Slowly, but sure you get lost in your thoughts of “How to?” and you become less and less present in your daily life together and in satisfying his needs process… you give your body with automatic movements… and still he doesn’t care… all it counts is his own pleasure…

It’s then when your survival instinct wakes up and screams: “THE END!”. He will laugh at you like a crazy devil, he will relax on that stupid couch you bought together and he will turn on TV, smiling again at you, saying “Let’s see where the hell you think you’re going!”

And you do it… and you try to close the door behind you, to forgive and forget, you wait a while hoping that he will understand that one’s happiness cannot be built on another one’s unhappiness,  and in the end you try to go away… but he won’t let you… he will follow you like a dark shadow, come over and over again after you, and all you’ll hear is “You are going to pay for everything, you filthy whore! Cause this is what you are… a whore! You and your stupid dreams… you are not going to get anywhere with those, you are going to crawl back to me, you mad woman!”

But you don’t crawl back… cause you’ve learned to fly… and it’s then when he will try to drag you through his mud and own misery… it’s then when he will think that “if not mine, than nobody else’s neither”, it’s then when he will go completely crazy, forgetting about any decency, any (self) respect, and he will try to put you down, no matter how, no matter why, no matter how much time it takes for that… and all these in the name of love he said he had for you…

What should you do? Keep on flying, but look back at least once to give him some cigarettes to smoke his tears away… cause even if not in front of you, he will cry… deep inside of him, he will do that worse than you will ever be able to imagine… he will cry like a little boy seeing his big castle of sand ruined by the big waves of the sea… and you will never see his tears again, but you could hear the song of his soul…

Cheers darlin’!

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