Guilty LOVE

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“Hmm…you think so?”

“Yes… actually I do! He can’t just forget she made it possible… she created a miracle for him and that is not just something you forget overnight. It doesn’t have to be true love, but that’s not the idea anyway.”

A moment of silence… before saying anything else, the girl with big brown eyes looked at the blue, red, violet sky. It was a beautiful summer sunset. The temperature was perfect. Everything around her was perfect. The music on the boat, the landscape, the dance between the blue waves and the sunshine, the lovers around her and their entire mood. They were watching that beautiful sunset and holding hands, celebrating in silence their love, or any other kind of connection which brought them in that place, on that boat, in that evening.

It was magical.

Fotografia postată de Love Heimer.

Her mind was quiet. Couldn’t really agree with her friend, but she couldn’t disagree either. It was like understanding why some things happen in the way they do, didn’t even really matter. Not then. Not there. And one thing was for sure: nothing of what was happening could have changed what she felt. She didn’t need explanations or excuses. Things were the way they were, it was not like she could have changed anything, but for one reason all she felt in that moment was that love has indeed its magical, wonderful power and she has nothing else to do than to surrender to it. For the first time in her life, even if she didn’t see any purpose at all, she just accepted the truth of her heart and she didn’t feel the need to fight that feeling anymore.

She looked at her friend and then again at a very young woman and a very rich, older guy sitting on the deck of the boat. He was opening a bottle of champagne and in that beautiful sunset light you could have seen the fine ring mark left on his ring finger of his left hand. He was wearing black swim shorts and some (probably) very expensive sun glasses. In his mouth, somewhere in the left corner of his not so sensual lips, he was holding a cigar. His body was not really an athletic body and he was not really a tall, attractive man. Bald and with a tiny ass, for the young lady he was trying to mesmerize that evening with his romantic moves and tricks, that didn’t seem like an important detail. She was definitely enjoying the moment. She was a very young woman with a fresh body, blue eyes and long blond hair. He was smiling at his prey in a “I am the king of the world, babe” kind of way and like some love birds who seemed lost in something which seemed to be their first escape and their first love scene, they were enjoying this romantic moment.

“Guilty love or not, everybody practices a kind of love. There are some, like these two who just need the romance, the illusion of love and not the daily shit he probably had the chance to live with his not so long time ago ex wife. They nourish each other’s body and taste the fruit of passion and they completely ignore the hunger of their soul, but there is no time or way to feel that in a place like this one. There are others who are extremely pragmatical and they choose a less romantic, but comfortable, functional relationship instead. Those are probably now, somewhere in a trip at the mountain, together with their extremely annoying kids pretending that they are happy and life is beautiful. She might look at his fat belly while he would prepare the grill, but thinking in the same time at all the things she has to do once they will be back home: the mess they left behind and that huge mountain of dirty clothes she would need to wash. During this time, he would probably enjoy his cold beer and his steak, doing his best to ignore all the noise made by his kids and pretending he is alone with his best friends, enjoying a boys night out, but that would not change the fact that in a very ordinary way, they actually practice a form of love too. A “let’s raise kids, get a credit, buy a small apartment, pay bills and be miserable together” type of love, but hey… who are we to judge if that’s ok or not? It definitely works for them, so nobody should speak against it.

There is a reason why women bring children on this planet and not men. They are capable of sacrifice and unconditional love. Men have their limits when it comes to love. They are extremely basic and they are very happy just like that. Whether we accept it or not, that’s how it is”

“What about you? What about what you feel? What are you going to do about it?”

The girl with big brown eyes looked at her friend… she was sometimes surprised by her naivety and somehow innocence and that made her smile. She looked again at the red, orange sky and she said:

“Me? (smiling… short moment of silence and smiling)… I would not worry about me, my dear… I have a little man inside of me!”

by Loveheimer

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Chapters and true love…

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<“Do you like to cook?”

“No”

“But you cook, right?”

“No. Not for guys.”

“Do u like cleaning?”

“No. Who the fuck does?”

“Do you wanna have children again?”

“No”>

“Silence. You should see how big their little blue or green eyes get. A weird moment of silence which makes me feel like the most awful bitch ever. I swear, and I usually try to break that kind of embarrassing silence with a joke like “But I can fuck your brains out, if you want too”, but somehow, they never get this joke…and they always get scared then, don’t know why!”

“OMG!!! You’re awful!!”

The girl looked at her friend who started to laugh hard and loud and her laugh made the girl laugh too. They continued then their girly talk and exchanged different opinions about work, relationships, love, life in general. They always ended up with an entire philosophy around these topics, but then again, with no other conclusion that both can’t live without love…real love.

The girl with big brown eyes took a last sip from her hot chocolate and while she was searching her wallet for some money to pay the bill, she started to look at the couple sitting right next to their table.

“They seem in love”, her friend said and she smiled.

The friend started checking her pockets too.

“Oh, no. I insist. This time it’s on me. Next time you are in charge though” said the girl to her, she smiled and with a discrete look she called the waiter, paid the bill, gave a big hug to her friend and then she left. Time to embrace reality. Another reality.

On her way back, she kept thinking at the couple she saw at the restaurant. Even if she was seeing daily people hugging, kissing each other, there was something different at these two. They didn’t seem to have the need to prove anything to their selves or anybody else. They were just looking into each other’s eyes and it was like the Universe knew about their secret and decided to celebrate it by giving them the unique gift of recognizing each other’s soul only with one look. One simple, but such a meaningful look. He was looking at her like a boy looking at the Christmas tree in the Christmas morning. His face was so lightened, his look so alive! He was happy just for sitting there, right next to her. Just for being around her. But he also looked relaxed, and happy, like if she ever decided in that moment to finish their relationship, he would have been ok with that too. He would have missed her, but he would have known that what they had was beyond an ordinary love, so he would have loved her still and wished all the love and happiness to her, because he would have known that it was not over yet. And he would have believed that. After all, how could it have been over when it never really ended? The chapters were not the same, the journey was different, but not over.

And while the Universe would have given them further enough synchronizations and weird, but funny telepathy opportunities to celebrate their once very strong bound, he would have never stopped loving and accepting her just as she was. Not that kind of pragmatic, but apparently romantic love people practice every day, not that kind of “let’s have kids, pay bills and survive together” kind of love, but that kind of love that comes from a connection felt inside and goes beyond human basic needs. That kind of love that vibes so strong within someone’s soul that it manages to break down your walls with its strength, with its power and brings you in the same place, and yet further, on a higher energetic level and once again in his arms again.

The girl crossed a small street almost springing like a child and just when she got on the other side, her phone rang. She looked at the number, she smiled and pressed that green button that always seemed to take her immediately in another Universe when he was calling. A brief moment of silence, the curiosity of a child and in second two her breath has been taken away hearing the voice on the other end:

“Hey, babe! Where are you? The movie is about to begin!”

She smiled naughty, she looked at her clock and with a soft and what was supposed to be a sexy voice, she said:

“No, love… our movie has begun the moment you looked into my eyes for the first time.

You had me at Hello!”  🙂

 

 

 

 

Puzzles

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You’ve tried…you’ve done your best in staying still and waiting. You’ve waited a long time. Maybe too much time. You closed your eyes and hoped that by the time you would open them again he will be there again, right next to you, saying to you what you’ve waited for him to say during all that time.

A new morning, a new beginning like the ones before, the ones which your heart didn’t want to live or handle without him. Even if it knew how. You take that old puzzle out of that old closet and look at it again. Dust didn’t have time to cover it. Even if there have been years since he is gone. His memory is still like a fresh morning summer in your soul. Your troubled soul kept trying for him. Kept waiting and hoping that one day life will bring him back to you. And it did. But in the same broken version as the one you refused to accept before.

You sit down and try to imagine the final picture in your mind.  The “perfect” picture. Nothing. You see nothing. Even if you feel a lot. There is nothing at the other end. There is nothing left in your mind. Except memories. Some good, some sad.

“What do I do wrong? What is it missing? I seem to have all the pieces. The box is the good one. The number of pieces is exactly the one written on the box. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly until it didn’t anymore.” You torture yourself with questions for which you don’t seem to find the answer. Tired and somehow bored you leave the box on the table, you get dressed, you put your best outfit and go out. Hunting. It’s time to live again.

Wanted or not life moves on. Even if you thought he will manage to catch up. He won’t. He will never do. And even if he would, he would be so frustrated of doing something against his nature, he will start to resent you. He’s not built to understand your colors or why you’ve ever changed them in the first place. He has his own colors. He’s not built to accept other colors than his. He’s not built to need you. He’s not built to want you. He’s not built to love you. And yet he does. And he almost hates you for that.

But then, one day, you come back home from the jungle and you see again the puzzle on the table. Watching the shape of the missing piece used to make you sad thinking it was the one. The only one. Thinking that you could have done more to find it, understand it and complete the puzzle.

Puzzle

Now you look at it, and its box, you touch it and admire its imperfection. You smile reminding the effort, the passion and love you’ve invested to built it so far. Your eyes smile, your heart smiles, your mind smiles and all of the sudden you decide to take every piece out of the box and put them on the floor, on the table, on the couch, you just spread them around your house just like a child who’s hands are colored and touches with his palm prints all the walls, laughing naughty and being happy and proud of his accomplishment. You do that fast and you get so excited of the moment. You laugh and wonder why in the world didn’t you do that before. More you spread those pieces of puzzle around the house, more it gets brighter. Thousand of colors play now on its walls and floors. It’s magic. Then you throw some out of the window too. In the sun light and combined with the drops of summer rain all of those pieces create a beautiful rainbow. The rainbow of your soul.

And when you’re done, you look around and you finally see the picture. The big picture.

There is no box. There is no puzzle. There are no colors. There are no THE ONES. There is just you, your mind and your own limits and fears. Everything around you takes the shape of your soul or your mind. You choose.

The perfect puzzle is the one with 999 good pieces and 1 wrong piece in it. Otherwise the game will be over. And you don’t want to be over. The wrong piece is taking you to the next level. Next perfect imperfect level. The wrong piece is the key to your next adventures, next life chapter. That wrong piece is in fact the perfect one for the next puzzle.

Be wrong, be wild, be naughty and crazy. Be you!

Love will go on!

Loveheimer 🙂

SEX heals?

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On a plane, train, in your car or just in your comfortable water bed, my second book “SEX heals? A lioness guide to get back your lust for life after a nasty breakup” is the perfect opportunity to forget about your love drama and learn how to pull yourself together and get ready for the next chapter of your life.

Being angry, crying or longing are not an option. Not anymore!

Be brave! Be smart! Be naughty and understand once and for all that NOTHING LASTS FOREVER…except LOVE!

LOVE YOURSELF! 😊

With a tremendous joy and happiness, I dedicate this book to those who inspired me in writing it, many thanks for the valuable lessons and words of wisdom you gave to me and to all my readers who follow me on FB and my blog www.loveheimer.wordpress.com.

Official “date of birth”: 23.05.2018
Available for sale on amazon and its partners:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1718865422/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1527078637&sr=8-2&pi=CB1275522461_AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=loveheimer

 

Enjoy!

Loveheimer 🙂

SEX-HEALS_mockups

FREEDOM

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How many there are? Not so many… or at least, I don’t see too many men or women to stand for it anymore… it’s being treated more and more like a disease, like a virus or something. It’s called very simple: LOVE and yet it seems to burn and consume you until the last cell of your brain. And here is the trick. Its flame seems to get your brain tossed in such a way that you don’t feel like a human being anymore, but like an angel and demon in the same time. Like an alien. Its warmth makes your body vibe to any blink of an eye, a sound, a whisper, or a single word coming from the one you gave your heart to. The one who “infected” your brain and now posses your heart.

Your head-quarter became a heart-quarter.

Nothing seems to be more important than the one who gave you this disease and if you are an egotistical type of person that is going to scare the crap out. You are going to be so scared that you will feel the need to run. As fast as you can. Where? Nowhere…just somewhere… it doesn’t matter. And you will begin to search the strongest antivirus ever put out there on the “market” for this kind of situations.

You will try to reactivate your brain like a generator by pushing any rational button and yet even if that green light of the sign EXIT will work for a while, and you will be SAFE, it will then fade away and behind its closed doors you will find yourself again in the dark, alone and scared not knowing how the hell you got yourself trapped again. The funny thing is that in that moment your only chance is to start looking for THE ONE, ANOTHER ONE.

But too many speak against it. Too many forget its benefices. Too many are afraid. Too many haters. Too many make me sick just looking how they struggle in front of their feelings and then they smile in a fucking freak way, like some sort of winners in front of LOVE. Mind won. Heart lost.

But how can LOVE survive to the power of MIND? Of EGO, FEAR, OUR OWN INSECURITIES. How can we HEAL? How can we make it last? How can we make it stop when it hurts so bad? What does exactly hurt so bad? What comes after?

While I struggled after each love story to find the answers to these questions, at some point (a long time ago!!) I stopped. I surrendered. I loved a man with all my heart and soul. I abandoned myself to the passion and feelings I had for that man, entirely, completely until I found the bottom of my brain and I started to feel my heart. Then I let it speak my mind. It’s own mind.

The reason why I did that was because in my heart I am and I will always be just a child. A very curious one. But I was afraid too. God knows how scared, lonely, lost and afraid I felt sometimes. But my heart was too curious to learn, to see where this burning fire takes me. My mind was too thirsty, my body too hungry not to give in to the temptation, to taste its taste. I willingly accepted to have this virus implanted into my heart and I never regretted it. Cause it made me happy. Extremely happy.

And then when it stopped, I loved another man… even more than the one before… and then another one. I practiced love instead of questioning it knowing for sure that this will bring me in the point I am today, the day when I say that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

The point when I say that there is no monster in the closet. I have been brave enough and I opened the god damn closet many times now. I can say today loud and clear that there is nothing to be afraid of.  You don’t know it maybe, but your heart has an impressive way to regenerate and if you let yourself go on its flow you will feel, taste, create and reach edges that only in your sweetest dreams you would have dreamed to touch them.

You are going to be judged because of doing that. Most will try to “SAVE” and “HEAL” you. Many will push you away and deny you. Others will call you crazy. Don’t listen to them. And don’t stop! Just don’t stop. Let yourself “infected”. Keep on walking against your fears and open that closet. Your heart closet. You might be surprised of what you’ll find there.

Cover your ears, close your eyes and stand up for your heart. Turn its volume on and let LOVE be your guide. Let it speak for you and that, my dear friend… it will set you free.

Loveheimer 🙂