I pronounce you husband and wife! You may now cheat the bride!


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“Officially I am…unofficially I am not” he said looking at her naughty and all smiley…

The girl started to laugh and then she said:

“I see…interesting view… well, I don’t care…for me you are out of the market…plus… I already have someone in my life… not looking for anything new… especially not an experience like this one… been there, done that… nothing special…sorry dude, but it ain’t gonna happen!”

She smiled back at him and then she left. She got on the next train and left. On the way back home, she couldn’t help thinking how frivolous everything is. How fragile and stupid the human being is. Especially the one who was waiting for this guy at home.

“How many they were? Maybe… few months or something… “ she thought and started to look out of the window, somewhere far, touching with her look the blue, clear sky… this guy was married just for a few months and he was proposing her to have intercourse with him .

Marriage… such a strong word and yet, it seems to be treated more and more just as a contract which has a lot of unwritten rules and unspoken truths that in the end define it just as it is: a legal way to make the unofficial stuff official. Like cheating your partner for example. Pretending to be happy. Showing pictures to the world with your happy family and then hiding your face under a wave of tears because only you know what a big lie you sell out there just to cuddle your own ego and sometimes your mind. But your soul knows better.

When you are just lover with somebody, cheating it’s betrayal… when you are married with someone and you’ve been cheated, he has a good excuse: you are married, so suck it up and move on or get a divorce. End the contract. But don’t be too surprised of the outcome. Of course he was going to cheat on you… what the hell did you think? That he will love you and be faithful to you till death will do you part? Well… you married the guy… did you check the small notes at the end of the marriage contract?

Wanted or not, the love part died like after 2 years or something after you’ve got married… you should have lived in an impossible relationship, unfulfilled one and maybe then you might have had a chance to still speak about love after… let’s say 5 years after your break up… in your case is just about survival in two. And that’s the way it is.

There are men very conscious of the fact that they can’t be good partners and they don’t get married with all the risks included, and there are men… well… there are men who make it unofficial… advantage? The second ones… they have a slave to take care of their children and of their basic needs too- food, sex and they have fun also… the last one, without the wife, of course.

Isn’t life just great? Perfect families. Perfect love. Perfect relationships. Everything is just perfect!

“Sad…” the girl said to herself… “so God damn sad…” She got off the train, she looked around, pressed the Play button on her phone and headed HOME…

It was a nice, warm autumn day…



Fear of commitment and sexual objects


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BREAKING NEWS! Tonight is the BREAKING NEWS evening…  coming straight from a CEE (Central European East) woman… a woman which basically should have never said what I am about to say, but she is going to say it anyway… a woman with strong believes about love, relationships, marriage, with tradition in her blood will tell you a big secret.

So… ladies and gentlemen, dear playboys or any other person who happens to cross my blog and read these lines: SHOCKING NEWS as this might be, I must unfortunately break a myth that all contemporary men seem to still believe it: DUDES, THERE IS NO NEED ANYMORE TO LIVE IN FEAR AND A CONSTANT “SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO” PHASE!

No need for lame excuses after getting laid and feeling the sudden need to run. No need for the cold shoulder or the passive aggressiveness meant to let us know you don’t wanna see us anymore since you are afraid not to be caught in a relationship over night. NO DUDES! RELAX!! WOMEN LIKE ME ARE ALSO AFRAID OF COMMITMENT!! Just like you!

Tadaaaaa!  Isn’t that great news??

I am personally frightened till the last cell of my body that I might be doing the same mistake I did once. Blocking myself in a relationship with a man who I find at the beginning wonderful and then later to see that actually, the shoe doesn’t fit anymore… And honestly, looking at this jungle that I am in today, I must say that I am in no hurry to make a rush decision in this area. What can I say? I have my weakneasses.

You might find this as a surprise, but we don’t want so desperately and fast to be in a relationship as you guys might think. We don’t want to hurry home after 10 hours of intense, stressful work just to cook a nice meal for you and make sure your belly is safe , then take care of our child too, putting him to bed, then to eventually give you a foot massage and in the end to be ready for a hot, stormy sex with you. God no!!! We are sick and tired to still do things in this order! We realized that life is too short to please everybody else but us. I personally changed my priorities and one of those was to be happy. I didn’t know how to be happy. I swear I didn’t.

Now I am busy being happy. Extremely busy and when I forget to do that and let myself caught in the daily routine of life, what do you know? I always get sick or something as if the Universe is reminding me that I forgot about me. What do we want now from you guys? Till we reach that point when we can touch this topic about relationship again?

FUN! To have FUN and not to have to deal with daily shit. We have kids. We have full time jobs. And we love that! But we don’t wanna settle from the first time we had sex with you. Even if we become emotional afterward and we feel the need to see you again (if the release of energy between us was great, of course!), even if we are a bit clingy afterward that doesn’t mean you guys passed the relationship test. Don’t be so cocky! That means we are still women and ruled by Venus. But we don’t wanna marry you after just having horny sex with you!

Yes…we are great! We can be mothers full time, we can have full time jobs, we are independent, funny, sexy and amazing. Wow! We have the perfect profile for a long term relationship. If we decide that this is what we want, we can get it. But we did not decide.  We look at you guys and after spending wonderful time with you, we think that the idea of being with you might not be so bad after all, but then we remind ourselves how selfish you guys might be once you get in a relationship.

How basic it all becomes: money, food, sleep and if you are lucky enough some sex too. No more fun! No more funny conversations. No more hot sex and exciting messages. Just… a job instead of a relationship. Another job. The third one. So yeah… we fear! To choose the wrong job. Just like you! Actually, you are the only reason we fear. Isn’t that great news? You inspire us.

You want us, the “STRONG, INDEPENDENT” woman to follow you? To “obey” and not to treat you as sexual objects anymore? You wanna be our leaders? Well…  you are…you don’t even realize it…but you are… in fear! We just follow you in your fear as much as you used to follow us once in love… so… you choose what your future with us will be… if any… if not… well, it sucks, but we will survive! You are THE MAN!

As for us, wanted or not, we learned how to be happy! With or without you… and now we have our shelters too…  isn’t that just perfect for you or what? 🙂


Give it to me right…


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I’m not, I’m not
Tryna run your life
That’s why, that’s why
I’m nobody’s wife”- Melanie Fiona/ Give it to me right

That’s basically the thing with “women like me”.  Quality, not quantity. Passion. Lust, not a superficial monkey act.

I can deal with my own shit, so you better do the same with yours. But when I want it, you really gotta be ready. No! It’s not that you should be submissive or what they call these days a man lacking his masculinity, equal to a “pussy”, but you kind of NEED TO vibe in the same way and time with me, if you want to get to know me better. Otherwise I get bored. And that’s it.

I’m not interested in games at these chapter, either than the seduction one. I’m interested to see in your eyes the fire which actually burns inside of my body when I think of you. And when I see that, well… just do it right.

I’m a burning fire and as many lions, tigers, bulls or whatever strong personalities might be out there in the jungle, I have to say that it’s extremely hard to keep it up with me. Because…. well… the thing is… I happen to have a brain too. And actually… a quite intelligent one. Well… what can I say? I won’t feel guilty for that now and thank God the jungle is big enough. I always find what I need and want, even if sometimes it takes longer.

What role plays the brain in all this “give it to me right” thing? Well… that’s a longer story… will tell it to you some other time.

But If you really are what I like and need, I might show you a piece of me. Not too much though. As much as I want sometimes, I can’t play for too long the kitty cat role that men seem to need so much these days, so it’s better and safer for you if I actually disappear for a while after our intensive moments of passion. Or anger. Cause trust me, you’ll get angry on me. And viceversa.

Don’t take it personally though. At the end of the day…you are a man. You should understand better how it works. And don’t worry. If I really like you and I feel connected with you, I’ll probably come back to you to take my slide of adrenaline and passion. I might even develop some feelings for you if you are smart and deep enough, but that definitely doesn’t mean that I’m blind when you decide to act like an asshole.

Cause somehow, at some point you will. It just comes naturally… don’t know why, but I noticed that in time. It comes so easy and natural for you guys, just in the same way a woman becomes a bit cheesy and too clingy after just having sex with you. I am a woman too and quite a very deep and sensitive one, so I might show you this side of me too if I feel comfortable enough with you. So I guess, you might be an asshole too now and then, if that’s what you need. But next time… you better make me smile 😉

Life. Chapters. Jobs. Phases. Relationships. People. Everything changes.

But for me the wild, basic instinct will always stay the same… and… this is how it goes…

LOVE in the ADULT world


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I didn’t want to take this train… God knows how much I fought not to take it. I am an observer and I noticed the ADULT world since I was a kid. I promised to myself a long time ago that there is no way in hell I am going to take this train: ADULTS train.

Normal children were playing, I was observing the adults. And here I am not talking only about my parents, it would be a mistake to make a conclusion about such a big subject only by looking at your own parents. No… I took notes in my mind about their relatives, teachers, parents of other colleagues, complete strangers I was seeing on the street…really. I observed every adult life gave me the chance to meet.  And I’ve seen a few since I had the chance to travel in other countries too when I was a student. Different cultures, but same patterns.

Some seemed very angry, some hopeless, some disappointed in others, some in a constant denial, some just tired of their life, but obliged to move on, but too few adults were content about it or really happy. For some couples, this world was about surviving in two, for singles was a relief, but not necessary easier to bear the loneliness… all in all, I didn’t see why would anybody say YES to this world. I didn’t see anyone saying with his heart open: hell ya, I like being an ADULT!

So I didn’t want to get in this train…the most difficult 5 years of my life… to cross over this bridge between my own world and the adult world. But I was forced to. I met a man  who brought me a lot of joy, but also a lot of pain too and by the time I was realizing what was happening with me he pushed me into this train. Practically he did exactly the same thing a parent would do to his child when this one refuses to go to school, but still wants to play.

There was no time to play anymore… there was no time to keep my naivety… it could have harmed me in the near future, if I had kept it… he just forced me to take this journey with this train: ADULTS TRAIN. And he didn’t even get in the same train. He waved his hand, smiled at me and left me there. Sometimes, I am upset he did that… I am upset he opened my eyes so brutally… I am upset he left me alone.

There is nothing sadder or more stupid than being an adult; a child with money… even if I learned how to protect myself from their lack of love, which they somehow left it on that platform, probably before taking the same train I took, they frighten me. ADULTS scare the crap out of me! Actually, they scare the child in me, because I became a hell of an adult and that one is not afraid of these assholes I see in this world, women or men… I’ve learned to fight, I’ve learned when to act with diplomacy, when to take out my sword and just fight to death with this bunch of poor assholes, with no trace of love in their heart, not even for their selves. I’ve learned HOW NOT TO LOVE.

I became a responsible adult, respecting the laws, going to work, making money, raising my kid as well as I can. I am independent, I am strong, I find a solution to the problems that I have, I learned how to receive help (that was a hard one)…hell…all in all… I simulate the adult role better than I ever simulated an orgasm. At the end of the day the adult in me has the same empty feeling a woman has after a fake orgasm. As an ADULT, I don t have peace of mind. I constantly worry for something.  I constantly need to protect myself and my kid for some asshole who looks at me, sees my face which still looks very childish sometimes and imagines that he could use that against me and do whatever he wants to do with me.

Such a waste of energy and love to be an ADULT… I swear! It doesn’t worth it at all to be one. But then… from time to time I let the child in me to express himself… I let him do whatever he wants to do, I go with the love flow, I don’t fight against it like an ADULT would do, and I make such stupid things, that even my daughter would laugh about them, but it feels GOD DAMN GOOD afterward! Like a warm sunshine in an autumn day, like a rainbow after a summer storm… that’s the moment when I feel peace of mind! When I feel happy! When I don’t worry about anything. When I don’t feel any pain, sadness or God knows what else ADULTS feel because of their stupid ego or fears they have…

Noticing the valuable advantage that I have, I started to be grateful to this Universe for every single thing I have in my life. And I’m like a magnet to people who wanted for such a long time to act like silly children too, but they didn’t know how to do that in the ADULT world… seeing the naughty, “conspiracy” smile I have, they also relax and open their selves up. And that’s magical, because there is nothing more beautiful on this planet than the childish smile on an ADULT face.

As for me… I still believe in LOVE and it’s POWER… I still believe in her tricks to bring people together and touch their heart, even if many fight against it or deny it. Those will be forever just shadows on this earth.



Loveheimer 🙂

Life in Two


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I’m making efforts…really, like…big efforts to remember the advantages of living together with a guy, as a couple… I look at my life just the way it is today and all I know is that for at least 3 years I’ve led a carefree living only with my daughter. Selfish, I know… but I enjoy it with every cell of my heart and body because it took a lot of work to get here and it feels so God damn good!

Did I fall in love since I started to be single again? Of course, I did… crazy, deeply, madly in love… I lived with passion love stories that healed the worst and brought the best out of me. It was amazing! I had deep, profound, incredible soul connections with the opposite gender. I might say that I’ll definitely have what to tell my grandchildren when I will be an oldie. But to be honest, I never really imagined myself again living in two. I just…couldn’t. Nobody inspired me at that kind of level.

Imagine a student and the life he or she has… without the going to parties or clubs part which I never really liked it, I’m having the best time of my life! I’m 35 years old and I never felt younger or more aware of my mind, body and soul like I am today. Life is easier and even stumble stones appear in the way from time to time, I know how to handle them, because I can recognize the signs Universe is giving me to reach the next chapter. And here is what made me think about it. The SIGNS.

You see… whenever you are ready for the next life chapter, the Universe knows better and pushes you further by closing all the known doors for you, but opening in the same time another one, completely unknown to you. I didn’t invent this now, for sure, but I am one of those persons who’s very good in recognizing the signs and usually now I don’t panic too much when that happens. Even if it’s hard to get out of my comfort zone, the grey time between the old and the new phase takes as long as I fight against the change. Cause this is all about. CHANGE. If I don’t fight too much, then the new comfort zone sets itself faster and easier in my new life chapter.

Everything changes. For some reason, nothing stays the same and looking now behind I am grateful to this Universe for giving me the opportunity, but also the strength to go through the different life changes I went until now. I’ve been rewarded so much for my patience and faith I had in it!

New shapes, new shadows, new energy waves… new colors. Life doesn’t stop to surprise me! Here I was saying to myself “I want that and that…” and boom…the next second I knew, I got them all. The trick? I was finally ready to handle everything I’ve ever wanted.

So…even if I am a little bit scared of the new vibe I feel today, even if I still don’t find any reason at all to change anything in my life now, well… I guess, the Universe really knows it better 😊


couple holding hands